Planes, Trains, and Automobiles: Bangkok Edition

Today was one of the most ridiculous transportation days of my life.

It started off in the usual way – dodging kamikaze sidewalk-hijacking motorcyclists while trying to walk to work – but started going downhill once I left my safe haven.

After a full day at school, my friend Robin and I were expected to be downtown at 4:00 to perform at a charity event that was raising money to help underprivileged children. Knowing it was a Friday afternoon in Bangkok, but also knowing that we had to work until 3:00, we planned to make a mad dash as soon as we could break away. An hour would be cutting it close, but we would just hope for the best.

Nearly three hours later, Robin and I were still in the taxi and had still not arrived at our destination. “Well,” we said, “that’s just Friday afternoon traffic in Bangkok… maybe they won’t start the show without us…”

And then the driver kicked us out. He apparently didn’t want to go any farther in traffic and claimed that we’d only have to walk two blocks (yeah, try six, buddy). So we climbed out and started our hike among the trecherous sidewalks of Bangkok.

We finally made it to the concert venue, horribly late and sweaty and soggy from all the post-rainstorm puddles. Miraculously the show hadn’t started yet, so I was able to perform and eat a muffin for charity (I’m always willing to sacrifice for the greater good). Unfortunately I got hit with a migraine after about an hour at the event, so I decided to skip out early and head home.

This time I had a plan: skip the taxi through downtown traffic and take the skytrain instead… If only it was that simple.

The skytrain was, of course, totally packed – I got groped several times, and the guy next to me had clearly forgotten his deodorant – but it got even worse once I got off the train and saw the line for taxis, which stretched out for at least two blocks.

At this point my migraine was raging, my feet were soaked, I was sweating like a pig, it was dark (I hate the dark), and my cell phone battery was completely dead. So, like the genius that I am, I decided to walk a few blocks and see if I could catch a taxi farther down the road.

I really should know better by now.

After about half an hour of standing on the corner waiting for an open taxi that never came, I gave up and started looking for a bus to hop on instead. Of course, I had no idea which bus to take (and no phone to call anyone with), so I just got on the first one that stopped – and with a stroke of luck, it was the right one! In the home stretch now, I settled into one of the shockingly uncomfortable seats for another thirty minutes of smelly transportation.

Finally the end was in sight. I was only a mile from home, thinking longingly of my soft bed and the good night’s sleep I was going to get… when suddenly the bus stopped.

In the middle of eight lanes of traffic.

And just like the taxi driver, the bus driver kicked us out.

In the middle of eight lanes of traffic.

Needless to say, I was quite a bit freaked out. I had to run across traffic to make it to the sidewalk (by this point laughing hysterically at the ridiculousness of my life) where thankfully there was an open taxi (where was he an hour ago?) who took me the last mile home.

So now, as I sit in my nice warm bed, I have to laugh at the fact that my life may be many things, but dull certainly isn’t one of them.

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